After my mom died, I had a friend who would text me regularly to check in and see how I was doing.
She would always ask, “How’s today coming along?”
One day I told her how I felt lazy and unproductive because I had spent the last several weeks doing basically nothing. I told her about all of the things I “should” be doing and how I hoped to get back on track soon. I hoped to be productive again eventually.
Her response was something like this:
“Who cares if you do nothing? Seriously, sit and stare at the wall all day! Who gives a shit? Your mom just died.”
I realized she was right. Here I had been beating myself up all day long for doing nothing when nothing was exactly what I was supposed to be doing at the time.
Because what felt and looked like doing nothing to me was actually so much more.
It was reflecting.
It was processing.
It was feeling.
It was grieving.
It was healing.
It wasn’t actually nothing at all.
Sometimes it may look like you’re doing nothing on the outside, while on the inside you’re actually putting yourself back together again.
So if you’ve been doing a whole lot of nothing these days, this is your permission to go sit and stare at a wall.
Because I know that you are actually doing so much more.
P.S. That same friend ended up editing my second book almost a full year later. Proof that you will be productive again…eventually.
*If this post resonated with you, you should check out my mentoring services for Alzheimer’s daughters.
**If you liked this post, you will love my book “When Only Love Remains: Surviving My Mom’s Battle with Early Onset Alzheimer’s.” It’s available on all Amazon marketplaces.
2 thoughts on “When You Are Grieving, Doing Nothing Is Everything”
Thanks Lauren. That’s how I’ve been feeling too. I think I’m back at a normal or below normal pace so after all the stress of caretaking, it seems like I’m doing nothing.
Wishing you a blessed Thanksgiving.
Yes! We’re in fight or flight mode for so long that it feels weird to just be normal again. Have a great Thanksgiving!