On this day last year, my husband and I left Florida to move back closer to home. Florida never felt like home to me and I desperately wanted to be closer to my mom again. I was miserable and depressed the entire time we lived there. I basically just lived one visit home to the … Continue reading I’m So Glad I Made It Home for My Last Christmas With My Mom
Last week I wrote a post about how I’m actually feeling excited about the holiday season in spite of it being the first one without my mom. That’s all real and true. I’m not dreading the holidays at all this year. I’m actually really excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But there’s something else that’s been … Continue reading I Am Dreading the Months Leading Up to the First Anniversary of My Mom’s Death
I felt so guilty living my life while my mom was suffering from Alzheimer’s and my dad was overwhelmed with her care that I just simply stopped living my life. I still feel guilty that I didn’t have to take care of her from the minute I woke up until the minute I went to … Continue reading Punishing Yourself for Your Loved One’s Suffering Won’t Do Anyone Any Good
How many times have you heard someone say, “My loved one died. Well, she was sick and we knew it was coming, but still...”? Why do we feel the need to offer that explanation? Why do we feel the need to minimize our loss by saying that it was expected? Why do we diminish our … Continue reading We Need to Stop Minimizing the Grief of an Expected Loss
Your decisions as a caregiver do not cause your loved one to decline. The disease causes your loved one to decline. We had a very hard time making certain decisions for my mom’s care. Looking back and reflecting on those decisions has allowed me to see that making those decisions was not the cause of … Continue reading Your Decisions As a Caregiver Do Not Cause Your Loved One to Decline. Alzheimer’s Does.
(The post below was written on April 18, 2020. My mom passed on April 4, 2020.) I’m still here. I’m still struggling. I cannot believe it’s already been two weeks since my mom passed away. I planned on waking up so I could stare at my phone at 7:01 this morning to honor the moment … Continue reading You Grieve So Hard Because You Love So Hard
(The post below was written on April 14, 2020. My mom passed on April 4, 2020.) The last few days have been rough. Now that my mom’s service is over, I feel like the reality of her being gone is setting in. It feels like everything over the last ten years is hitting me all … Continue reading When Your Loved One Dies, You Don’t Just Grieve the Death. You Grieve the Journey.
(The post below was written on March 12, 2020. My mom passed on April 4, 2020.) Almost exactly two months ago, I went to my parents’ house and realized that everything had changed. My mom and dad had a really bad week and it showed. It was evident that my mom had taken a sharp … Continue reading I Can’t Believe We’re Still Here. I Can’t Believe We’re Still Doing This.
(The post below was written on March 6, 2020. My mom passed on April 4, 2020.) When I pulled up to my mom’s house yesterday, I thought to myself, “This sucks.” I would give anything to walk in there and see her standing in the kitchen. I would give anything to walk in there and … Continue reading You’re Going to Miss This One Day
(The post below was written on February 7, 2020. My mom passed on April 4, 2020.) I’ve been living in a fog of grief. Every day is hazier than the day before. I have been feeling so isolated, so disconnected from the rest of the world. Everyone is out there living life, going places, doing … Continue reading Living in a Fog of Grief