(The post below was written on January 20, 2020. My mom passed on April 4, 2020.) There has been a lot of change in the last two weeks or so. In short, we are beginning to prepare for the end. Then again, aren’t we always? It seemed as though my mom was plateauing for a … Continue reading Changes, Chaos, and Grief
Tag: caregiving
The Beginning of the Final Decline
(The post below was written on January 13, 2020. My mom passed on April 4, 2020.) Friday was a rough day. My mom’s regular aide was out all week taking care of her own mom. The agency failed to send a replacement on Tuesday and Wednesday, so my dad was on his own. Since I … Continue reading The Beginning of the Final Decline
And Yet, I Am Grateful
I will never know what it’s like to see my mom’s car pull up to my house. I will never know what it’s like to group text with my mom and my sister. My mom will never buy me another Christmas present or birthday card. She will never call me on my birthday to sing … Continue reading And Yet, I Am Grateful
My Mom’s Alzheimer’s Is About Her, Not Me
For a long time, I used to think about my mom’s Alzheimer’s mostly in terms of how it affected me. How sad it was that she was diagnosed so young, when I was only 25 years old. How sad it was for me to lose my mom this way. How sad it was that there … Continue reading My Mom’s Alzheimer’s Is About Her, Not Me
We Break, But We Always Rebuild Ourselves
A few weeks ago, my husband and I went to John’s Pass for the afternoon. It’s a fishing village with a boardwalk and tons of shops and restaurants. We went into a little dog boutique and I found this adorable mug. I painstakingly selected the most perfect mug without any nicks or cracks on it … Continue reading We Break, But We Always Rebuild Ourselves
Someday You’re Going to Miss What Seems Hard Today
You’re going to miss this someday. Whatever you’re going through right now. Whatever your biggest challenge is. The thing that drives you absolutely crazy and frustrates you to your core. You’re going to miss it someday. It seems like just yesterday I was driving my mom to the hairdresser or out to go shopping. She … Continue reading Someday You’re Going to Miss What Seems Hard Today
Maybe Strength Is Found in the Dark
“You’re so strong.” I hear this so often from people and I think the same thing every time. “If they only knew...” If they only knew I cried myself to sleep last night. If they only knew I sobbed into a bowl of cereal for dinner. If they only knew I woke up at the … Continue reading Maybe Strength Is Found in the Dark
Grief Shows Up When You Least Expect It
A few weeks ago, I was at Old Navy shopping for some new clothes. I had a gift card that had been burning a hole in my wallet for months, so I finally decided to use it. I was about halfway through the women’s section, carrying a huge pile of clothes over my arm, mindlessly … Continue reading Grief Shows Up When You Least Expect It
Alzheimer’s Can’t Take Away Your Love
With this ring... This is my mom’s wedding ring. I saw it sitting on her dresser the last time I went home and it stopped me in my tracks. She hasn’t been able to wear it in years. She would play with it, taking it on and off her finger, and my dad was afraid … Continue reading Alzheimer’s Can’t Take Away Your Love
You Don’t Have to Suffer in Silence
When I was 12 years old, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was getting ready for basketball practice one night, when I heard her whispering on the phone to my Aunt Diane. It sounded like something was going on, but she was trying to hide it. I asked her what she was talking … Continue reading You Don’t Have to Suffer in Silence
