Yesterday, I kept telling my mom I love her all day and she kept saying things like “you do?” or “thank you” or “that’s nice.” She would never say it back. But then, as I was getting ready to leave and I started saying goodbye, I said, “I love you” and she said, “I love you, too.” I also said, “See ya later, alligator,” and then I just said, “See ya later” and she said, “alligator.” That made me so happy.
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When I was saying my last goodbye before I finally left her house, I said, “Bye, Mom” and she said, “Bye, Melissa.” I don’t even care that she said the wrong name because at least she knew I am one of her daughters. She also said, “I love you, too.” .
She definitely knows my voice and knows we love each other. Whenever I say, “Hey, Mom?” she will almost always say, “What?” Sometimes she opens her eyes or smiles, too. Many people tell me I’m the only one who can always get her to smile like that. I don’t know if that’s true or if they are just being nice, but it makes me feel good.
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I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with her, holding her hand and playing with her hair, reading books to her and listening to music with her. I got to hug her a little bit, but I can’t hug too hard or too much because she’s so frail and it hurts her or makes her upset. I held her hand and put my head on her shoulder, as much as I could without bothering her. I sat on the arm of the recliner, put my arm around her, and played with her hair whenever she was sitting there. I hate that I feel like I can never get close enough to her, but I’m also thankful that I can still touch her at all. I also took tons of pictures and videos, so I’ll always remember her voice.
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It never feels like enough, but I know one day she will be gone and I will always cherish this time I spent with her. It could always be worse. 💜
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#lifeloveandalzheimers #alzheimers #alzsucks #endalz #motherdaughter #loveher
