Sitting there in the waiting room last week while my dad had his heart procedure, it struck me how everyone was there for someone they love, someone they care for.
The hospital referred to each of us as a “support person” and there we all sat, supporting and caring for someone we love, while anxiously awaiting what we hoped was good news.
Although I ultimately did receive good news that day, my heart still felt like it had been cracked wide open.
Witnessing my mom’s decline, especially in the days leading up to her death, has left cracks in my heart that will never be repaired. I never know what might cause them to grow wider and deeper, what might trigger my grief.
On this particular day, it was seeing all of these people caring for their loved ones, bringing them to a doctor’s appointment, and taking them home when they were done. Although I was there to care for my dad, it reminded me of taking care of my mom and I realized how much I miss it.
I sat in that waiting room for several hours, thinking about my mom and wishing I could have just one more opportunity to care for her in some way. Because the truth is as hard as it was sometimes, I still miss it.
So many memories, some good and some bad, but they all make me miss her terribly.
Later that night, I was driving home from the hospital when suddenly my radio turned on by itself.
I had it off because I was listening to something on my phone, so when it first came on, I wasn’t even sure what the noise was. Once I realized it was the radio, I turned up the volume so I could hear what was playing.
It was Maroon 5’s song, “Memories.”
“Here’s to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you’re not
‘Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we’ve been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
‘Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you”
I immediately started crying because I knew it was a sign from my mom.
It was her way of telling me that all of the memories, both good and bad, are reminders of our love. All of the memories bring her back to me and make me realize that she’s not really gone.
And as the song continues to say, everyone hurts sometimes, but everything is going to be okay.
Thanks to my mom, I believe it.
She’s always taking care of me.
Because that’s what mothers do.
