My husband and I are getting ready to go on a vacation for our ten-year wedding anniversary.
As we’ve been preparing things and planning what to do on our trip, I noticed that something feels different this time. I wasn’t quite sure what it was at first, but I was finally able to put my finger on it the other day.
I’m actually excited to go on this vacation.
This is the first time in a very long time that I’m able to go on a vacation without worrying about what might happen while I’m away.
This is the first time in a very long time that I’m not filled with dread and endless amounts of guilt at the thought of leaving my parents.
This is the first time in a very long time that I know I will fully enjoy the vacation and not ruin it for myself because I feel like I don’t deserve to be there.
It feels strange.
Strange that excitement is a foreign concept.
Strange that the weight of guilt has been lifted.
Strange that I finally feel so healed.
Strange, but good.
It feels really damn good.
My hope for each of you is that one day you will be packing for a vacation when you suddenly realize that something feels different.
You are excited.
The weight of guilt has been lifted.
You finally feel healed.
It will feel strange, but it will also feel good.
Really damn good.
It’s a long, dark road, but there is light at the end. I’ve found it and I hope you will, too.
Stick with me, friends. I’ll show you the way.
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