One thing I have learned from my mom’s journey with Alzheimer’s is that we have the ability to feel two conflicting emotions at the same time.
We can feel both happy and sad.
We can feel both excitement and dread.
We can feel both joy and pain.
We can feel both gratitude and grief.
And we can be okay and not okay at the exact same time.
This idea of duality is especially true for me this time of year.
I can be happy to spend time with my family this holiday season and still be sad that my mom isn’t here with us.
I can be excited about Christmas and still be dreading the first one without my mom.
I can feel joy in my heart and still feel pain as the cracks widen.
I can be grateful for all the memories I have with my mom and still be brought to my knees with grief when I think of them.
I can be okay and not okay at the exact same time.
It brings me some peace and comfort knowing I don’t have to choose one emotion and betray another. I can be true to both.
I can honor all of the many conflicting emotions in my heart this holiday season. I can feel them all at the exact same time.
And so can you.
Happy Holidays, friends.
We’re all going to be okay.
And if we’re not, then that’s okay, too.
We can be both.
At the exact same time.
Your post have helped me so much. This is my first Christmas without my mom. She passed Jan 22. I can’t believe we are coming up on a year that she has been gone. The experience you went thru with your moms journey with Alzheimer’s is almost exactly as my moms. I am thankful for you writing and expressing your feelings in these blogs. I often forward them to my brother as I feel you are writing about our life during my moms battle and the continuing healing since her passing.
Keep writing! It has impacted me more then you will ever know.
Thank you so much, Joyelle! You have no idea how much that means to me! I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you love, hugs, and peace during this first holiday season without your mom.