I did not allow myself to enjoy my own life when my mom was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.
I did not allow myself to enjoy spending time with my husband and friends.
I did not allow myself to enjoy going away on a vacation.
I did not allow myself to have fun in any sense of the word.
When I wasn’t with my mom, I was thinking about her and feeling incredibly guilty for not being with her.
If I was somehow able to stop thinking about her for a short time, I immediately felt like the worst daughter in the history of the world.
I did not allow myself to enjoy any aspect of my own life because I felt like I didn’t deserve it. Why did I deserve to have fun and live my life when my mom was suffering so much?
I punished myself relentlessly for her suffering and guess what…
My mom still died from Alzheimer’s disease.
She still suffered for ten long years.
She still lost every memory and every ability she ever had.
She still spent over two months lying in a hospital bed, dying.
Nothing I did to punish myself did anything to alleviate her suffering.
Nothing I did to punish myself did anything to change the outcome.
Friends, I know it’s hard, but please don’t give up on your own life.
Enjoy it while you still can.
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