Yesterday I was taking the pups for their morning walk when I had an epiphany.
It was a beautiful spring morning here in South Jersey. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I said hello to a few neighbors along the way.
I began to feel a strange, unfamiliar feeling that I couldn’t quite put my finger on right away. I kept walking and then suddenly, I realized what the feeling was.
It dawned on me that for the first time in at least 12 years, I’m actually not going through a lot right now. My life is pretty good right now. My life is pretty easy right now.
I think about my mom every day and I miss her so much, but I have healed enough to move forward with my life.
After 10 years of all-consuming stress, grief, worry, and guilt, I feel free.
After 2 years since my mom died, I feel light.
After 12 years of seemingly constant loss, I no longer feel like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The dark cloud that seemed to follow me everywhere I went is no longer in sight and damn, it feels good.
And while I know it could return at any moment, I’m not going to hold myself back from fully enjoying this current season of life out of fear that it won’t last long—out of fear that it will be taken away.
I don’t say all of this to brag. I say it because when I was in the thick of my mom’s Alzheimer’s, I needed to see someone on the other side living again. I needed to have hope that there was life after this hellish journey.
Have hope, friend.
You will feel free again.
You will feel light again.
You will feel like you again.
Make a list of all the things you want to do and see and be when this journey is over. And then when this journey is actually over, do and see and be them.
The clouds will part, the sun will shine, and you will be ready to take it all in.
Not in spite of what you’ve been through, but because of it.
*If this post resonated with you, you should check out my mentoring services for Alzheimer’s daughters.
**If you liked this post, you would love my book “When Only Love Remains: Surviving My Mom’s Battle with Early Onset Alzheimer’s.” It’s available on all Amazon marketplaces.
2 thoughts on “Dear Alzheimer’s Caregiver, You Will Feel Free Again Someday”
So, so true Lauren. It has been 19 months since my beloved Mom died and I’m finally beginning to take better care of myself again, eating better and enjoying new activities as well as things I had loved before all the pain and grief of losing her slowly. Sending love and prayers to you!
I’m so sorry for your loss, Judy! Happy to hear you are healing and finding a way to live your life again!