To Both Love and Grieve Means to Live a Full Life

I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately. Death and grief and the impending doom of losing my mom. (Yeah, I know. I’m super fun these days.) I’ve also been thinking a lot about how much my mom’s Alzheimer’s has affected me; how much it has changed me. I often ask myself why my mom’s … Continue reading To Both Love and Grieve Means to Live a Full Life →

And Yet, I Am Grateful

I will never know what it’s like to see my mom’s car pull up to my house. I will never know what it’s like to group text with my mom and my sister. My mom will never buy me another Christmas present or birthday card. She will never call me on my birthday to sing … Continue reading And Yet, I Am Grateful →

To the Girl Whose Parent Was Just Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. I bet you didn’t even realize you were holding your breath. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. I know in this moment it doesn’t feel like it, but you are going to be okay. You are going to figure this out. Be still and feel your own heart beating. Listen to the sound … Continue reading To the Girl Whose Parent Was Just Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s →

My Mom’s Alzheimer’s Is About Her, Not Me

For a long time, I used to think about my mom’s Alzheimer’s mostly in terms of how it affected me. How sad it was that she was diagnosed so young, when I was only 25 years old. How sad it was for me to lose my mom this way. How sad it was that there … Continue reading My Mom’s Alzheimer’s Is About Her, Not Me →

We Break, But We Always Rebuild Ourselves

A few weeks ago, my husband and I went to John’s Pass for the afternoon. It’s a fishing village with a boardwalk and tons of shops and restaurants. We went into a little dog boutique and I found this adorable mug. I painstakingly selected the most perfect mug without any nicks or cracks on it … Continue reading We Break, But We Always Rebuild Ourselves →

You Can Do Hard Things Out of Love

My dad had an appointment with a funeral home director a couple of weeks ago. I remember him mentioning something to me, but I didn’t know he had made an appointment or when it was. At the time, I didn’t even think to tell him to wait for me to come home so I could … Continue reading You Can Do Hard Things Out of Love →

Someday You’re Going to Miss What Seems Hard Today

You’re going to miss this someday. Whatever you’re going through right now. Whatever your biggest challenge is. The thing that drives you absolutely crazy and frustrates you to your core. You’re going to miss it someday. It seems like just yesterday I was driving my mom to the hairdresser or out to go shopping. She … Continue reading Someday You’re Going to Miss What Seems Hard Today →

Maybe Strength Is Found in the Dark

“You’re so strong.” I hear this so often from people and I think the same thing every time. “If they only knew...” If they only knew I cried myself to sleep last night. If they only knew I sobbed into a bowl of cereal for dinner. If they only knew I woke up at the … Continue reading Maybe Strength Is Found in the Dark →

Grief Shows Up When You Least Expect It

A few weeks ago, I was at Old Navy shopping for some new clothes. I had a gift card that had been burning a hole in my wallet for months, so I finally decided to use it. I was about halfway through the women’s section, carrying a huge pile of clothes over my arm, mindlessly … Continue reading Grief Shows Up When You Least Expect It →

Forgive Yourself, You’re Doing the Best You Can

I have always hated this picture. I look like I’m disgusted with my mom. I look like I’m embarrassed and ashamed of her. I look like I don’t want anything to do with her. I remember that I didn’t really want to touch her because she was sweaty from dancing by herself all … Continue reading Forgive Yourself, You’re Doing the Best You Can →