(The post below was written on June 15, 2020. My mom passed on April 4, 2020.)
Due to the pandemic, we haven’t all been together since my mom’s funeral. It has made a difficult time that much more difficult. I’m so thankful we were all able to get together yesterday for a cookout at our new house. My heart is so full!
Yesterday morning, I told my husband how much I wished that my mom could be there with us. I wondered aloud how she might have helped with the cookout and what she might have brought. For most of my adult life, my mom had Alzheimer’s. She had never been able to help me host a cookout or family gathering. She had never been able to prepare a dish to bring.
I have no idea what it’s like to have my mom help set up for a party at my house or help do the dishes when the party is over. But for some reason, I was missing it more yesterday than I ever have before. Missing what I never had and missing what I never will have.
Later, we were playing a game with my nieces on the floor of our living room when I looked up and saw the pillow with my mom’s picture on it. It felt just like she was there watching us and laughing at the girls. Of course, I would always rather have her here with us physically and in good health, but I’ll have to settle for these small comforts and know that she will always be with us in our hearts.
Mom, we are sad and we miss you, but we’re going to be ok. Just like I promised. 💜