Isn’t Life Always Uncertain?

(The post below was written on May 15, 2020. My mom passed on April 4, 2020.)

On this day ten years ago, my mom was not only alive, but we didn’t even know she had Alzheimer’s yet.

My husband and I were not even engaged yet, let alone married.

We didn’t even own a house yet. We lived in an apartment in Delaware and we were both police officers.

We didn’t have either one of these beautiful black labs you see here in this picture yet.

I hadn’t written anything besides police reports and grocery lists for years.

Back then, if you had told me that today I’d be sitting here in my new backyard in New Jersey with these two beautiful black labs while my husband was at work flying a news helicopter during a global pandemic, I would have never believed you.

If you had told me that I was no longer a police officer, but I was a self-published author and writer who built this group of lovely people who actually care about what I have to say, I would have never believed you.

If you had told me that we had moved to Alabama and back again and then to Florida and back again, I would have never believed you.

And if you had told me that my mom would have endured ten long years of battling Alzheimer’s and that tomorrow she will have already been gone for six weeks, I would have never believed you.

What a journey it has been.

Right now, everyone is talking about these “uncertain times,” but isn’t life always uncertain?

It definitely has been for me, especially over these last ten years as I helped care for a sick parent and supported my husband’s career. There was always so much I didn’t know, so much I couldn’t do, so much I couldn’t plan for.

But today as I sit here quietly in the sun, I wonder what else I don’t know yet.

What else hasn’t happened yet?

What will become of my life over the next ten years?

What will I do? What will I gain? What will I lose?

Who will I become?

I’m not the same person I was ten years ago.

Mostly for the better.

My mom’s battle with Alzheimer’s and being one of her caregivers has changed me forever.

Her death has changed me forever.

I don’t know what the next ten years have in store, but I hope I’m lucky enough to find out.

And whatever I end up doing, I just hope I make my mom proud.

My four-legged therapists, Oakley and Lucy.

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